So Drama Daughter, age eighteen, is not going away to college this fall as she had planned. You can read about her journey and dilemma here if you’re interested. Since her life has changed to unknown Plan B, she’s a little (LOT) unsure what to do with herself this summer and this fall. She has a job, and she’s taking classes at the local junior college, but she wants to do something new and exciting. I gave her this list of possibilities and thinking-starters a few weeks ago, but I don’t think any of them are what she has in mind.
1. Volunteer to lead Good News Clubs in our area. Training is in May.
2. Help with Missions Week at our church.
3. Work full time and save money for your car and college.
5. Musical theater class at AD Players.
6. Summer internship at Houston’s First Baptist Church.
7. Visit your grandmother once a week and watch a movie together or go out to eat.
8. Volunteer at the Mission Centers of Houston.
9. Take a home economics course (at home) with Brown Bear Daughter.
10. Take a world religions course (at home) with Brown Bear Daughter.
11. Work to build a house with Habitat For Humanity.
12. Meals on Wheels program is in need of more volunteers to deliver meals Monday through Friday. Could you spare an hour during your week to bring food to someone in need? I
13. Study twentieth/twenty-first century drama with Mom.
14. Do an intensive reading project: see pages 9-11 of Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris.
15. Learn to cook.
16. Take a class at San Jacinto Junior College. (She’s already been dong this, but she still has some more basic classes to finish.)
17. Go visit your aunt in South Dakota.
18. Go visit Eldest Sister in Indiana.
19. Start a blog.
20. Write a book.
21. Meet with a Christian mentor weekly who will help you to grow as a Christian. (I could help you to find the right person.)
22. Be a mentor to a younger girl and meet together weekly to study the Bible and pray together.
23. Internship at Alley Theater. (She checked into this program, but it’s more appropriate for older, more experienced actors.)
24. Take a math class to prepare you for college algebra.
25. Maybe just do this: stop, talk to people, really listen, live now instead of waiting for the future event to make you happy. Serve God where you are.
These are mostly ideas for the summer, but none of them seem to be working out for her for one reason or another. One problem is that the above ideas represent the things that I’m interested in doing or seeing her do, not her own interests and desires. She’s been looking into Americorps, but I have some hesitation about sending her halfway across the country to take a job with no place to live and no assurance that she will like the job or the place. What she really wants to do is to go away, to try out a new place and develop her own independence. What I want is for her to be moderately safe while doing so.
Maybe the above ideas will be helpful to someone else. In the meantime, any suggestions? I’m going to link to whatever I find that’s helpful in this area below.
Melissa Wiley links to the story of a girl who followed her interests and got a scholarship to the University of VIrginia on the strength of her passion.
Susan WIse Bauer writes about her experience with planning her son’s “gap year” after high school. Unfortunately, these programs cost money that we don’t have.
I think it’s too late to apply, but someday she might want to work an entire summer at a Christian camp, or a camp for children with disabilities. She could have the camp save her pay for her until the end of the summer, and walk away at the end of it with a couple of thousand dollars while helping children, meeting other young people her age from other parts of the country, and living in a new location for several months. My daughter did all that last summer at Camp Ozark. My second daughter considered working at Shocco Springs or Camp ASCCA this summer, but ultimately opted to do something else.
My niece regularly goes down to New Orleans to work on houses for Katrina victims. Her Methodist college students’ group has been many times. If she’s be willing to pay for her plane tickets, she could go to Orphanage Emanuel in Honduras and work for a summer or at any time of the year.
You’re not secretly one of my parents, are you? You just described me. I’m 18, going into my second gap year after planning to go to college and then having one of the most clear answers I’ve ever had from God, and it being “Nope, you’re not going.” (I’ve been reading Semicolon for a while, incidentally, but I don’t think I’ve commented in recent history… I tend to skim in big chunks.)
My suggestion: Try not to be too excited about any brilliant ideas you have. Nothing makes me more wary than those dreaded words, “I just had an idea!” (I’m mostly joking, but those words generally mean I’m going to be stuck doing something my mother wishes she’d done when she was my age, which isn’t helpful.)
Specific suggestions: Road trip with a friend? Conventions, if she’s into genre stuff or stamp collecting or whatever else she’s into that has conventions? Landmark she’s always wanted to see? A short trip going a long way can make all the difference and has helped me in the past when I needed to figure out what I wanted to do, because I’m the kind of person who really needs a plan. Going and working on a project won’t help me, because I’m always wondering if I could be doing something better. Once I’ve decided, I don’t worry.
Personally, this summer I’m taking a few community college classes to get ahead if and when I go to a “real” college, as well as working to save up some money. It would be fun to take a trip somewhere, but it would suck up money (and obviously, time) instead of helping me get grounded. (Although, I’ve already taken trips by myself. If I hadn’t, I would want that experience in preparation for moving out permanently at some point.) I’m an aspiring author, so I’m devoting a lot of time to writing. In my free time I’ve done some short-term volunteering and other projects. Since I’ve got so much free time it’s been easier to make myself start a Bible study regime and stick to it even when I don’t have free time. I feel like I wasted the first gap year, not doing much of anything when I could have been making leaps and bounds with God and as a person. I’m going to be living on my own in the near future, and I can either be ready or I can be in over my head.
Basically, for me, the most important thing is to get serious about being an adult. There are plenty of good things to do that would be fun, but one thing I HAVE learned from my mother is that just because something’s good doesn’t mean it’s necessary, or the best option. My advice is to pick the things that would really be the most beneficial for where your daughter wants to be down the road, be it a specific career path, or the kind of person she wants to be. When I know exactly WHY I’m doing something, it’s much easier to do and I can get excited about it, because I know it’s important and I’m not missing out on something else. I feel like I’m going somewhere, because I am, and even though it might not be something I’ve never done before, it’s new because I know I’m moving forward rather than dashing from side to side. (It’s not about “Look at what you’ll have way down the road” though. It’s about doing what I’m supposed to be doing right now, and I don’t believe you’re ever supposed to be stagnant.)
I’m rambling, so I’ll stop now. Everybody’s different, but I hope that helps your daughter. I really sympathize. 🙂
I wish I had a wonderful idea to share, but instead all I have is a thank you for sharing your list. What a great bunch of possibilities! I may check into a few myself.
Is it possible to study for and take CLEP exams to exempt herself from basic college classes, like College Algebra?