Cindy wrote about Christians and humor the other day, and in the process she reminded us of her old CBD posts. You can take a minute to go read and then come back.

Anyhoo, yesterday I got a sale flyer in the mail for LargeWeight Christian Bookstore (not its real name). I’m looking for a couple of books that might be available at a regular Christian bookstore, so I flipped through the catalog. I promise that I found the following items advertised; only the names and a few minor details have been changed to protect anyone in need of protection.

For only five dollars you can get a copy of the workout DVD, Tae Bo: The Strength Within in which “Christian fitness guru BB encourages reaching out to God when another set of roundhouse kicks seems impossible.” (Another set?) For a few dollars more you can get a Rejoice Water Bottle to go with the DVD: “features Psalm 118:24 and holds 24 ounces.”

You can get any one of a variety of change-your-life books: a complete guide to health, “recommendations on what to eat heartily and what to eat in moderation,” “quick answers to your everyday financial questions,” and “advice on losing weight.” Also there are books on how to get rid of anger, counting yourself to sleep, and another with a “plethora of advice for today’s family” on parenting. Why can’t they put all this stuff in one book and save me about fifty dollars?

When it comes to The One Book, there are still so many choices that the mind boggles —and gives up. Should I get a noteworthy BIble, an illustrated study BIble, an “everyday with Jesus” Bible, a chronological Bible, a daily Bible, a Life Principles Bible, a One Year Bible, or, to shorten the time commitment and speed things up, The Bible in 90 Days? And in a modern day variation on the disciples of Apollos and Paul I can get a Bible for followers of John MacArthur, or Charles F. Stanley, or Max Lucado or a Bible study by Beth Moore (she doesn’t seem to have her own Bible yet.) For my kids I can buy an Extreme Teen BIble, a Compact Teen Study Bible, a Next Generation New Testament, an Adventure BIble, or a Small Hands Bible. One of these Bibles, available on CD, advertises “many awesome features and voices from popular shows and movies like Hannah Montana and High School Musical; your youth are sure to dig it!” (If you’re fascinated by that last item, email me and I’ll let you know the exact title, location and price.)

Finally, if the entire Bible is too much for you or you can’t make up your mind which one to get, you can purchase a verse or two printed on just about anything. Items available are a Colossians 3:17 photo album, a Psalm 27:14 photo album, a Matthew 28:20 address book (so that you can know the right address when you go out to preach the gospel), a Psalm 17:8 journal, a Proverbs 27:9 coffee mug, a Proverbs 27:9 tealight holder, a I Corinthians 13 “love” photo frame, and a Proverbs 17:17 cross with stand.

I’ll spare you the details of the books (very few) and the movies advertised in the flyer, except to say that I didn’t find the two books I was looking for. However, the blurb at the bottom of the page assures me, “Can’t FInd It? Don’t Despair! Ask about our special order service.” I wonder if they can order me a copy of Paradise Lost or David Copperfield? (No, those weren’t the books I was looking for originally; I know better than that.)