Shannon at Rocks in my Dryer asks: “What parenting lessons have you learned the hard way? What would you tell a first-time parent? Save us all some headaches and share!”
I would not presume to tell first-time parents much of anything. I couldn’t even get the lessons I learned with the first child to work with the second. Every one of them is different, and since I have eight urchins, I feel qualified to say that whatever advice you read or hear may or may not be good advice for you and your child.
However, I do have one hard-learned truth that some of you may be wondering about: It never gets harder than three. What I mean is, one child is difficult because it’s the first, and with my first I had no idea what I was doing. I made a lot of mistakes. The second child was hard, too, because he was a boy and different from Eldest Daughter. (I know now that he would have been different even if he had been a she.) Even so, with two children I hardly ever felt out-numbered or overwhelmed. I had two hands, one for each child to hold. When Engineer Husband was around, there were two of us to supervise, one for each child.
Then came my third child, a beautiful baby girl. She slept through the night at an early age, sucked her thumb contentedly to comfort herself, and fit into our family perfectly. BUT parenting was no longer something that was manageable, something that I would eventually get the hang of if I spent enough time and energy studying the matter. Now there were three, and I was in over my head. They outnumbered ME; They outnumbered US. One child could easily escape and use red tempera paint as ammunition in his cannon while I was cleaning up after the other two.
The wonderful part of this story is that adding another and another and another never gets any harder than three. When you realize that it’s really, truly only by God’s grace that any of them survive to adulthood, that each child is a gift, and that the molding and shaping and even educating that parents do is somewhat limited in scope and influence, and that as a parent you are almost completely deficient in the skills, patience, and wisdom that are needed to parent these children . . . well, then you can begin to relax, do the best you can and depend on God to fill in the gaps.
You can find links to more parenting advice at Rocks in My Dryer today.
I love your quote at the end. Do the best you can and depend on God to fill in the gaps. I only have two (and have no plans on having anymore), but I do believe you are right about being outnumbered–no difference between 3 and 8 🙂
Oh Sherry,
You have made me laugh and remember something from long ago. I was waiting to pick up my middle child at preschool with a fretful infant in the car seat behind me. I must have looked like 10 miles of bad road because a friend (who also had 3 girls) walked over to my car window and patted me on the arm. “The third one is a doozy isn’t it? That is because there are only two sides of your brain.”
Well said. Being one of eight I know for a fact it’s only by God’s grace and mercy that any of us survive. Blessings…
This is great — not only the reminder that they are all so different and need different approaches, but also that it’s very much not something we can do in our own strength and wisdom.
This is what my mother always told me, too. Now I have two. And I’m pretty nervous about three. It’s like approaching the sound barrier or something. 🙂
I have four and I completely agree: the hardest transition was from two to three. The fourth was like a little bonus.
The one lesson I keep having to relearn about parenting: Never under-estimate your kids.
I just had my third blessing, so this was very encouraging to me. Blessings!
Thanks for the encouragement – I have 3 and the third was so different from the others it was scary.
I think as a result of this he will be the last but thanks for your words of wisdom – just in case.
I wonder if it isn’t more the age of the oldest child than the absolute number. By the time most people have their 4th, the oldest is 5 or 6 (or more) and of much more help. A friend of mine had her 4th child when her oldest was just 3 1/2. I think she found the addition of the 4th more challenging than the 3rd.
My children are almost 6, almost 4, 2, and 1 1/2 months. When my 3rd was born my oldest was almost 4; when my 4th was born my oldest was almost 6. My older two are such big helpers now that I find it easier. But again, I think it’s because of the age of the oldest.
Thanks so much for this encouragement. I am due to have #4 in 6 weeks and have felt very overwhelmed. While we desire many children I sometimes feel that things are getting a bit crazy. I know that the Lord will not give us more than we can handle but I wonder how much he thinks we can handle. I love to here wisdom from moms who are ahead of me:)
I totally agree with you here. I always say after the 3rd, it’s miraculous we had more. (We have 6.) If you can do 3, you can do 30.
This is great! Thanks. I linked to this today.
I enjoyed your insight..I have heard exactly those sentiments from many friends who have three or more. We have two but have been desiring another for almost two years now, if you think of me say a prayer for patience and peace about it not happening. I would love to have a large family (I am the oldest of seven) but maybe God has other plans.
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