O.K. I must admit that this book, and other books like it, frustrate me. It’s a book about being totally, completely, abandoned-ly, sold out for God, about loving Him with your heart, mind, soul and strength. That’s good. I want to love God like that, although I admit that I don’t really. Not always. Not even most of the time.

“He is asking you to love as you would want to be loved if it were your child who was blind from drinking contaminated water; to love the way you want to be loved if you were the homeless woman sitting outside the cafe; to love as though it were your family living in the shack slapped together from cardboard and scrap metal.”

Fine. I’m sure Jesus does ask us to love that way, to that depth. But how does this sort of sacrifice work out practically speaking, or even impractically speaking?

Do I tell my kids no more extra classes–dance, piano, canoeing, drama–no more candy or doughnuts, heck, no more meat, until the entire world is fed and clothed to a certain minimal standard?

Do I quit buying clothes EVER and just wear mine until they fall off me in rags? (Not a great sacrifice for me because I hate shopping, and I wear clothes way past their style-date anyway.)

Do I sell my computer and my TV and my household appliances and give to the poor?

Do I turn off the air conditioning in Houston in the summer to save money to give away to those who are, I admit, much more in need of basics than I am in need of air conditioning? What would my husband, who suffers from the heat much more than I do, think about that sacrifice? Why not just turn the electricity off completely?

Do I tell my mom no more eating out together once a week because it costs too much?

Do we sell our house and crowd eight people into a two-bedroom apartment? Including my 77 year old mother who lives in a small apartment behind our house?

Do we sell our cars and walk? Or are bicycles OK and acceptably sacrificial?

Do we tell our kids “no college” because we’re giving that money to feed orphans in India? (Not that we can afford college anyway!)

Do I give all of my time and energy to serving others and leave my family to fend for themselves?

Do I refuse to read a book or watch a movie because I could be spending that time in prayer and Bible study, and if I really, really loved God, I’d want to spend all of my time with Him? Should I even have read Francis Chan’s book?

Maybe it’s Jesus himself I’m frustrated with. Mr. Chan says, and wisely so, that he can’t tell his readers what sacrifices or what obedience God is calling them to. He says he has enough trouble discerning God’s will for Francis Chan’s life and ministry. However, I’m not sure how to understand what Mr. Chan is preaching in this book. If it were really my family starving in that shack, I would immediately give up ballet lessons, vacations, fast food, meat, cake, books, movies, and anything else I could find to get my family fed, clothed, and loved. But am I to ask my real family to give up everything so that other families and children can have what they need? And where is the line? If there is no line, if total self sacrifice is the call (and I think it is), how do I do that and still remain faithful to the family in which God has placed me? I get the idea that I’m not doing enough, not giving enough, not serving enough, not sacrificing enough, but what’s enough? I can’t out-give God, who gave and gives Himself for me, but what AM I called to give?

I want a checklist and a pencil.

Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go and sell what you own and give the money to the destitute, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come back and follow me.”
But when the young man heard this statement he went away sad, because he had many possessions.
Is that me?

“The one with two talents also came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two talents. See, I’ve earned two more talents.’
His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and trustworthy servant! Since you have been trustworthy with a small amount, I will put you in charge of a large amount. Come and share your master’s joy!’
Or am I managing what God has given me to the best of my ability, allowing HIm to use me where I am?

I could still go for the list and the pencil.