I have my own share of family, well, not secrets, but things that are too painful and raw to talk about or to blog about. I can’t imagine writing a book about my own wounds, even after they someday, God willing, are healed. Nevertheless, that’s what Kristen Richburg has done in this book, and I admire her honesty, even though it’s almost too painful to read.

Disrupting Grace is about attachment disorder and about an adoption that didn’t last. Of course, the operative question going into this true memoir of an adoption gone terribly wrong, is how? How could anyone give away their own child, adopted or not? Why would anyone give up their own child, no matter how damaged or disturbed?

Well, all I can say is, that after reading the book, I understand how a family could come to such a decision, and I believe Ms. Richburg when she says that relinquishment was the most loving decision her family could make in the interest of all concerned. From the book’s preface:

“I have two children. I used to have three. My third child didn’t grow up and leave home; she didn’t die. I relinquished her. I stood before a judge and said that I was no longer able to meet her needs. She is living with another family now and has a new last name. . . .

How did I get here? Were those five years a dream? Aren’t adoption stories supposed to have happy endings? . . . What are families to do when despite all their efforts, their child isn’t thriving, and the rest of the family is coming apart at the seams?

Sometimes I wish I could erase my adoption story. Most of the time I am thankful I can’t. I know there was a purpose for all of it. And my life will never be the same.”

I believe in adoption. I know many, many happy, well-adjusted adoptive families. However, we live in a broken world. And just as I believe in marriage and yet know that sometimes divorce is a last option, I can also see that in some situations the only “solution” might be to place a child, adopted or not, in another family where he or she has a second chance to bond and grow and be loved.

This story is important for families who are considering adoption, for those are supporting adoptive families in prayer and encouragement, and pastors and counselors who might be confronted with difficult adoptive situations. I found it fascinating, and although I hurt for both the Richburg family and for the little girl they adopted, I was also able to see God’s grace and mercy through the pain of a very difficult journey.

Kristin Richburg’s website gives links to resources for adoptive parents in addition to more information about the author and the book.
Here’s a bibliography of resources about attachment disorder.